Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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