I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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