I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
