As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
