do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
