just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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