tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
