i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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