So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
