The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
