she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
