there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
