He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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