is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
