Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
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I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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