The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
