Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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