Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
