The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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