giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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