I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
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You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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