Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
