I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
