it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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