my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
