you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm getting married
To pizza
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize