My first STD was from a foam party
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
