I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
