yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
