Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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