he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
