Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
