I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he shaved USA in his pubs
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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