if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize