this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
