dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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