I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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