I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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