1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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