I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There r osticjed everywhere
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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