I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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