i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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