On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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