But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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