There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
