Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
