They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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