i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
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