he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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