If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize