I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We are all done wearing pants today
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
