I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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