Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
