I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize