So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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