She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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