If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have already put on my inside pants.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
