marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
