My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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