Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
