Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
