I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
