i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
