Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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